I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just tell him i said nine months
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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