Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
