1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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