I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
