I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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