He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
