This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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