did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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