someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize