i jhust puked up my retainher.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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