he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
