This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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