I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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