Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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