Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
