Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
