They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize