We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
