Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
