Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
