don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
