dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
