it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
