I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
