I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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