rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
