I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
