i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
