that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
