WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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