Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
