The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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