i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
