you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
