hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
