yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
