I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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