She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
