I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
