Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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