im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
