just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
