i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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