Porn is love you can see.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
