girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
