apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize