Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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