Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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