also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
