He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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