Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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