im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
