I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
