I got chris browned last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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