Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
