you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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