I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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