it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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