Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
