Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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