The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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