You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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