I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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