I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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