You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize