porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
