Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
