i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
worst night to have a conscience
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
