I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
