I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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