it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
