i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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