bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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