i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Watching her eat just hurts me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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