I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
