is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
