I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
