I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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