I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
