when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
