I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
