ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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