I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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